September 19, 2011

That Someone..

Hey you all! not really in the fun fun mood! Am not here to narrate to you about the funny incident that happened to me..neither am i going to talk about something that i'd usually do..No... that's not it..More like the "gaze at the star, dreamy eyed, la-la land" mood...

You know, its 11.20 PM in Chennai, the time when usually i develop schemes to take over the world, BUT, it is not a scheme am thinking of..its raining heavily..the Gods seem to be celebrating..dancing..singing..and their joy flowing over all of us as i speak...

In situations such as these, i either get all nostalgic or i get all has become such a rat race, that i never stopped, sat back and appreciated the finer aspects of life! You know!..and so...lost in the cool breeze that traversed hundreds of miles with the sole aim of pleasing me and the gentle, yet heavy pitter patter of the rains that sings a lullaby..i began thinking of...That Someone... although my mind strains to express a hundred different emotions, waiting to pop the cork..i am still lost for words..with whatever words i can think of...this is my ode to That Someone..

That Someone, who was always there
That Someone, who always cared
That Someone, oh who is full of love
That Someone, who is a beautiful dove
That Someone, who is all heart
That Someone, to whom i said "il never break apart"
That Someone, who stood by me
That Someone, who just has me
That Someone, who makes me smile
That Someone, who makes me cry
That Someone, who means the world to me
That Someone, who just hugged me
That Someone, who asked "what do you want?"

And i said.. "Just you my love"....

That Someone.......................................................

September 18, 2011

The Brain Button !

Hellooo...its an awesome Sunday evening, nothing to do but just sit back and reeelax..! Before you start wondering about what i have to say this sorry to disappoint you that it won't be me doing the rambling today! Nope. Uh uh.

At the same time, am very happy to introduce to you all a very very close friend, who believes this:

"My idea of fun,
Is good conversation.
My drug of choice, my poison,
Is good conversation.
My mental peace, my salvation,
Is good conversation.
Love, I’m certain,
Is good conversation."

And the person who said Meghna Kannan! At first glance, she comes across as a person full of energy and crazyness! An awesome artist, she lets her hands and words do the talking! And so the day before she left to France (last week), i said "Megz why don't you write on my blog?! and she was like "ummmmm..." After numerous attempts to convince her to write, she finally said "Ok Ju, i'm not really sure about this, il think about it!"

But am happy that she came around, and this is what she has to say....


.....Sitting at Frankfurt airport is as good time as any to start working on my “guest” post on friend’s blog. I honestly have no intention of bragging about the fancy-ass airport, but this is the first thing I thought of doing to kill the 2 hrs time I’ve got till I catch my bus from here to my destination.

An Indian at an airport is always a peculiar sight to people here. I’m not generalizing our infamous habits of being the only one with 3 HUGE bags or our legendary white sneakers-blue jean style statement, not at all. We can be cool too. But I do generalize our quality of winning raised eyebrows, 2nd looks and occasionally a jaw-dropped gawk.

So I perched myself on this sort of maroon marble blocks, randomly placed to form a seating area, which I swear is no different from our kitchen thinnai material, surrounded by coffee shops, a mobile charging port, money exchange counter, information desk, ATM, escalators starting and ending erratically from all directions and directly across the exit gate from where I catch my bus. I started off by being just some regular colourful-attired person sitting there until my Indian-ness started crawling into me. There’s only so much I can sit with my legs dangling before which my legs automatically fold into a chaplaankuti.

And then of course this is followed by the very scrupulous procedure of finding that comfort zone. Mine involved a mini bag fort and changing my slightly greasy pinnal into a kondai. As I carefully remove my DELL, like it’s worth its weight in gold from my very cool broken-zipped, strapless HCL bag, I well up looking at the water stains on the top, clearly a fruitless attempt of Amma’s to keep my laptop dust-free and open it to find 3 of Tulsi’s (my dog) hair on my keys, just a few zillion finger prints and a neat layer dust on the keys. Trust me, I needed to literally lift my computer to chin-level and blow, like one would do with an old book! When I looked up I found three people gaping at me like I was some sort of performing monkey. I pretended not to notice and dug my head into my laptop.

The transition slowly begins. From loose, airy salwars to snuggle-fit jeans, chappals to sneakers, from Vodafone prepaid sim to the French sim, (10 paise/min to 1€/min), from blaring noise to absolute deafening silence to the point where I can hear my anklets ‘jill-jill-jill’ echo while I walk the streets at 10 am! Before I continue, for the record, I do love Europe and I actually am slowly getting pumped to get started with the new year (also ‘cos the sooner it begins, the sooner it ends ;)) Only that my love for this place is sometimes, ok yes, more often than rare, clouded by my love for home. I’m not calling it homesickness, nope not this time. It’s just going to take a few days* to tune my brain to Europe. I wonder whether there’s a neuroscience theory to it. When love can be explained as a simple chemical reaction, desiness to non-desiness might just be switch-on/switch-off mechanism. All it takes is will power as I’m told!

* subjected to change without notice

I was just passed by a Tulsi replica and I was ignored!!! (Oh the heartbreak of not being slobbered over, getting muddy paw-prints and hair all over my clothes) Ok so this switch on/off thing maybe more complex than I thought!


So, welcome to the first of its kind, a Guest blog! Before you begin judging, give me a chance to defend this silly idea. For a person like me, who’s always thought of blogging but never broke out of that “personal writing” shell, I think this is a perfect start. And for people like Jayanth Kashyap, who could use the publicity of an awesome blog entry, its pretty prefect too! C’est parfait! :P It’s a wonder that I haven’t been kicked out of France for raping their language!

Switching Homes
Well, apart from the language murder, I recently realised I have done total injustice to this beautiful place I’ve stayed in for a year already. Last year’s lonely, gloomy gullies are today’s gorgeous cobblestone pathways decked with lush green canopies dancing to the gentle chilly breeze, with the sun playing hide and seek with the whipped-cream like clouds in the baby blue skies. It’s no wonder whichever tiny gully in some remote Indian village our bollywood/kollywood heroes hail from, and however localll they may be, they dance with their heroines only in European gullies. I honestly felt like bursting out into a song and was hoping for a hero to appear suddenly from behind a tree and twirl me around, with our costumes constantly changing as we danced.

Evidently, last year’s nostalgia-inducing songs on my playlist, where every song had its own history, are today’s regular sing-along songs. Last year’s committed, undeterred relationship with my computer (or rather skype) is today’s relationship with this place. Last year’s grumble-filled, whiny, polambifying foreign oor-kadhais are today’s overseas adventures and alien-land escapades. Last year’s loneliness is today’s individualism. Yes, it did take me a LONG time to find my “switch”.

For example – Me being highly loyal and unfalteringly biased to my mother’s mouth-watering food, the separation was initially unbearable. My first ever saambar was literally emosanal attyachar and I blamed France for it! *SWITCH* Meghna’s Special Sunday Saambar. All you need is patience and adaptable or better yet dead taste buds. :D

At the French grocery store - “3,90 for a watermelon??! –brain gears start grinding... processing... 3,70 × 65 = Rs.253.50??!!!!- beep beep *curse* how will I gullet the fruit?”  *SWITCH* At the roadside besant nagar chappal shop, “Uncle, woh chappal kitne ka hai?” “Beta, woh chappal, 320 rupees, with 20 rupees discount, final rate Rs.300” “300??? –brain gears start grinding... processing... Rs. 300 = 4 € “Bas? Teekh hai Uncle”

In this ever-changing world and the sheer unpredictability of life, circumstances and situations, the magnitude of the “switch” is fascinating. The comfort of familiarity is beautiful, no doubt. But the weird and wonderful adrenalin-rush and the challenge of new, however daunting and overwhelming can be quite enjoyable when “switch”ed to discover the comfort in the unfamiliar.

Short circuit those hard-wired habits! *SWITCH!*
♪Wayyy ay ay way ay ay! Turn it over now, turn around now! ♪ ♫

For the uninitiated,

Thinnai – Table top
Chaplaankutti – Seated with folded legs
Pinnal – Braid/Plait
Kondai – The hair rolled into a bun
Salwars – The baggy Indian style pants
Chappal – Flip-flops
Polambifying – complaining
Oor kadhai – Story
Saambar – A south Indian delicacy (like a vegetable-lentil broth)
Emosanal attyachaar – emotional brutality

September 15, 2011

I am a Criminal !

[Jayanth's room..Dirty Harry playing in the background...]

Harry Callahan: "....this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?..."

[Jayanth realises that your staring at his blog, quickly pauses the movie..]

Jayanth: " click! ...Mute."


Hey there!! That was one of the greatest Clint Eastwood quotes of all time..! So do i feel lucky today? Absolutely not..and why? you will soon know!

Almost 21 months into my job...and i've developed a really bad habit..staying awake till my  granma's ghost scares me to sleep and sleeping till my dreams become a reality..Vicious circle you see...Sleep late, wake up late and you end up doing everything late the whole day..take my work for although i was prepped to leave early i still reached  the work place at 11 AM.

It was one of those days where one wonders "which side of the bed did i awake from?!"

As all of you would be aware, namma Chennai traffic will scare the pyjamas off of even namma Superstar Rajnikanth! He can do anything in this world, except avoiding/weaving through our traffic. And it always so happens that i had to get caught in the busiest of days - Today.

Thankfully, my faithful beast - Yamaha R15 - never lets me down. I hang my bag  on the two rearview mirrors so that it straddles my petrol tank (to avoid sweating you see), wear my helmet and the journey from my place (Saligramam) to my workplace (MRC Nagar) is a loong journey. I get to play road rash with my other late going office buddies, give evil stares to aunties standing in the middle of the road, try to act brave in front of the bus drivers, avert near certain death a couple of times and ofcourse, bask in the glorious Sunshine. Gives an awesome suntan you know. Try it out!

In the middle of all this, just 3 KM away from work, i get pulled over by namma traffic police. The usual scene - Sergeant with his humongous left thigh on his even bigger bike, seriously fiddling with something god knows what. The constables trying to catch every miserable sod on a two wheeler - ones not wearing helmets, overspeeding, riding with two pillion riders, and ofcourse the ones who obey traffic rules most of the time.

Maybe it was my bushy goatee or i dont know what exactly. The constable caught me reaching the signal and instantly jumped in the middle of the road and said -

"..Orama Va Pa Thambi!"

And so, confidently with the knowledge of and pride that i always carry my bike papers, i quickly slapped my license onto the waiting constable's outstretched palm alongwith my insurance papers. And he looked at me, pointed his finger to my bike's ass and said -

"Number plate fancy a poda kudathunu theriyadha pa??" (don't you know that wearing a fancy number plate is wrong?)

My mindvoice told me "F**K, i'm done for". Whatever precautions one may take, the smallest of details go unnoticed. I learnt that. Although i have immense respect for our Traffic Police and the responsibilities they undertake, i couldn't help but laugh at what was happening. Knowing that i was at fault, i voluntarily asked what the fine would be.

The Sergeant, with a smile said - "100 rupees kudunga sir, receipt bill tharen" Under the scorching heat, my already fried brain told me that i had forgotten to draw cash from the ATM. Sheepishly i told the officer that i had only 60 rupees in hand. And smack came the answer! "ATM pakathule iruku, poi draw pannitu vaanga sir!"

How lucky could i get? The nearest ATM was 2 KM away..and so i walked, jogged, drew cash and came back like a wet donkey. I signed the electronic receipt-churning machine and lo came the offence sheet. And what i saw shocked me!

I had been fined under two sections:

  • Defective Number Plate - Sec 177 - Rs.50 (my fault, hence i can live with it)
  • Disobedience to orders/abstraction/refusal to give information - Sec 179 - Rs.50   (What the hell!? when did i do that!?)

So what did i do upon seeing this? NOTHING. Why? Because its a waste of time.

So what sort of recklessness was that? I DON'T KNOW. Disobedience to orders? Me? I had practically handed out even my older insurance papers to these cops! Then why was i fined under that section?

What sort of disregardful behavior and brash violation was that? I will never know..! Worst part was i had even signed on the receipt unknowingly accepting a crime i never committed! Irony.

What i know is this...Just enacting a bill will not change anything. We are humans. Humans with emotions, thoughts and a very powerful gift of making our own decisions. Ultimately, a person who is inclined to cheat or take advantage of others, will stop at nothing.

Ink on paper doesn't sound very convincing when its actually an issue of changing the underlying moral values of us humans.

Given a chance to cheat, we will cheat.
Given a chance to fight, we will fight.
Given a chance to rob, we will rob.

After all, we humans place ourselves above anything else. These are the precious words coming out of the newly branded "Criminal"

So do i feel lucky punk? No.

Until next time, safe riding (and please do change your number plates, if its one of those 007 or BOSS type plates)

P.S - Subscribe to comments via email to follow up!

September 1, 2011

Ninja Fruitassin - Reloaded


The Year is 2028 A.D. I am a Ninja of the Otaku Clan.

Man, known to be the most powerful and evolved organism in the world has achieved many great things. He has walked on Jupiter, visited the Andromeda galaxy, discovered time travel, achieved 100% cognitive capacity and has also gone beyond the 4th dimension.

He is now constantly facing a threat that was unforeseen and unpredicted. (Even by the Mayans)

Invasion. Fruit Invasion.

We know not where they come from. But we do know who created them - The Diabolical Halfbrick Studios from the Queensland Solar System.


It all began on April 21, 2010 A.D. The people of the world woke up to the squishes and splashes of fruits from the sky. Rocketing towards the Earth at the speed of light, Apples, Pineapples, Bananas, Peaches and humongous Water Melons came hurtling down upon the unsuspecting people of the Earth. As soon as the sweet juices of the fruits touched the skin of the humans, they transformed into fruits themselves! Millions of humans turned into fruits within hours...and then it stopped. It was foretold that such an event was to happen again in the not so distant future.

Man has got back on his feet and just when things seemed to be in control again, we were told of the larger doom awaiting 2028. Right after the first attack we have constantly tried to find multiple ways to fend off another fruit invasion. We ninjas hate fruit.


In 2022, One of our most covert Ninja (Sensei) discovered that slicing the fruits nullified and destroyed its evil effects. And thus began the quest to master the art of fruit killing. What happened next was something unbelievable, something miraculous.

We chanced upon a 2011 version of the IntelAppUp Center and alongwith it, an awesome simulation and training module - the Ultimate Secret to stop the Fruit Invasion.

Fruit Ninja HD Lite (Built by Halfbrick Studios themselves)


A thorough examination of the IntelAppUp Center revealed this:

  • A downloadable App Market bigger and better than any other.
  • Developers can submit apps or app components to the AppUp Center.
  • People can view and explore various app categories suited to their training module.
The Ninjas who had used the Fruit Ninja HD Lite module had this to say:

  • Exact Simulation of the Fruit Invasion.
  • Accurate reproduction of the Ninja Martial Arts and Samurai.
  • Multiple levels that increases the difficulty, thus sharpening the skills of the Ninjas.
  • Power Ups and Combo Attacks!
  • Plethora of Weapons to choose from
  • The ultimate satisfaction of spraying fruit juice all over the place!
  • Most of all, it is Xbox Kinect enabled, which means we can simulate the exact slicing technique!
After hearing so many rave reviews of the module, i had to try it to believe it! I quickly setup my Intel Core i100 PC (Ninja Edition) and downloaded the app directly from the IntelAppUp Center. After quickly entering the main screen, i realise that i have to choose my weapon and what better than the original samurai blade?

After starting the simulation module, i am stunned to see the exact fruits that invaded our Earth hurled up on the screen. Anger. Rage. I slice my blade (air mouse) through the barrage of fruits.

Shathak!! There went the apple ..sliced in half! Thawk went the watermelon, its inside spewing was a ugly sight. But as i licked my lips in satisfaction, i could not contain my hate for these fruits.

With each simulation being more difficult than the other, i had to make use of Combo Attacks (slice 4/5 fruits at once) to train better. With the fruit death count increasing, i was on a rampage. I could not be stopped. I needed more fruits to cut, more weapons and more ambient backgrounds to simulate the real thing.

Having started of with the normal blade, i had now advanced to the flame blade; each cut burning through the squishy fruits, sealing their doom.

This app really did the trick - In one way it was jam packed with training features, any normal ninja could casually train with the module and most importantly, it gave us the edge to ward off the upcoming attack.


Several weeks passed, every ninja of the Otaku Clan trained with the simulation app and attained higher levels of ninja-ness. But i had gone beyond all of them - i had become a Ninja Fruitassin...

I did this by constantly cross training between the Zen Mode and the Arcade Mode.

The Zen Mode tripled my combo attack efficiency, thus ensuring i missed no evil fruit from my sights.

The Arcade Mode bestowed awesome power ups, gave the daftness to avoid the bombs and the ability to do a blitzkrieg in case i faced hundreds of fruits at the same time. All within a span of 60 seconds. It was a skill beyond comparison.

And so, as our clan prepare to make a last stand against the fruits - we only have this to say

"If its fruit, slice it.
If its your doom, embrace it."

That is the Way of the Ninja.

The Fruit Ninja HD Lite app has given us hope. given us courage. Most of all, it has given us the fruit ninja-ness that we possess today. We recommend it to you, you who is part of some clan in the world.

Save the World. Get the Fruit Ninja HD Lite app. Become the One. Become a Ninja Fruitassin.

As for me..a vicious pineapple is hurtling towards me..!! Wataaaaaaaeeeeeeee...Shathak!!! (Juice spraying)


P.S - The above post was intended to describe the App with a Creative Twist.

This blog is an entry to the "My Favorite PC App" contest. Check out numerous apps for PC/Netbooks available at the Intel AppUp Center. If you are looking for an opportunity to build and monetize your applications, check out the Intel® Atom™ Developer Program.

Vigneshwaraya Namaha!

Its a brilliant day!!! Blue skies, birds (crows) chirping and most of all, namma chennai makkal rushing to get their hands on the clay figures of Lord Ganesha!

Happy Vinayagar Chaturthi people!

Every year at home, i wake up to the smell of the yummy food being prepared and to the hustle and bustle on the streets! Young girls carrying miniature clay ganeshas, hawkers selling flowers, garlands, thoranams, colorful umbrellas (for the clay ganeshas) and other things that would sell on this day! Although i really do not understand the pooja part and the accompanying mantras, all i ever cared about was the kozhukattai! The soft gooey home made sweet that just has no diminishing marginal utility! Saaptukute irukalam!

And so, on this auspicious day, i pray that all of you have a prosperous life ahead filled with the goodness of Kozhukattais!! Lets hope that this world be rid of the evil and sorrow it is now infected with!

Happy Kozhukatai gorging u pigs!! :)

Anyway, me going back to the legendary movie of 2010 (on Sun TV): Sura (Nee adicha adi vizhum, Naan adicha ...IDI VIZHUM!)