September 15, 2011

I am a Criminal !

[Jayanth's room..Dirty Harry playing in the background...]

Harry Callahan: "....this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?..."

[Jayanth realises that your staring at his blog, quickly pauses the movie..]

Jayanth: " click! ...Mute."


Hey there!! That was one of the greatest Clint Eastwood quotes of all time..! So do i feel lucky today? Absolutely not..and why? you will soon know!

Almost 21 months into my job...and i've developed a really bad habit..staying awake till my  granma's ghost scares me to sleep and sleeping till my dreams become a reality..Vicious circle you see...Sleep late, wake up late and you end up doing everything late the whole day..take my work for although i was prepped to leave early i still reached  the work place at 11 AM.

It was one of those days where one wonders "which side of the bed did i awake from?!"

As all of you would be aware, namma Chennai traffic will scare the pyjamas off of even namma Superstar Rajnikanth! He can do anything in this world, except avoiding/weaving through our traffic. And it always so happens that i had to get caught in the busiest of days - Today.

Thankfully, my faithful beast - Yamaha R15 - never lets me down. I hang my bag  on the two rearview mirrors so that it straddles my petrol tank (to avoid sweating you see), wear my helmet and the journey from my place (Saligramam) to my workplace (MRC Nagar) is a loong journey. I get to play road rash with my other late going office buddies, give evil stares to aunties standing in the middle of the road, try to act brave in front of the bus drivers, avert near certain death a couple of times and ofcourse, bask in the glorious Sunshine. Gives an awesome suntan you know. Try it out!

In the middle of all this, just 3 KM away from work, i get pulled over by namma traffic police. The usual scene - Sergeant with his humongous left thigh on his even bigger bike, seriously fiddling with something god knows what. The constables trying to catch every miserable sod on a two wheeler - ones not wearing helmets, overspeeding, riding with two pillion riders, and ofcourse the ones who obey traffic rules most of the time.

Maybe it was my bushy goatee or i dont know what exactly. The constable caught me reaching the signal and instantly jumped in the middle of the road and said -

"..Orama Va Pa Thambi!"

And so, confidently with the knowledge of and pride that i always carry my bike papers, i quickly slapped my license onto the waiting constable's outstretched palm alongwith my insurance papers. And he looked at me, pointed his finger to my bike's ass and said -

"Number plate fancy a poda kudathunu theriyadha pa??" (don't you know that wearing a fancy number plate is wrong?)

My mindvoice told me "F**K, i'm done for". Whatever precautions one may take, the smallest of details go unnoticed. I learnt that. Although i have immense respect for our Traffic Police and the responsibilities they undertake, i couldn't help but laugh at what was happening. Knowing that i was at fault, i voluntarily asked what the fine would be.

The Sergeant, with a smile said - "100 rupees kudunga sir, receipt bill tharen" Under the scorching heat, my already fried brain told me that i had forgotten to draw cash from the ATM. Sheepishly i told the officer that i had only 60 rupees in hand. And smack came the answer! "ATM pakathule iruku, poi draw pannitu vaanga sir!"

How lucky could i get? The nearest ATM was 2 KM away..and so i walked, jogged, drew cash and came back like a wet donkey. I signed the electronic receipt-churning machine and lo came the offence sheet. And what i saw shocked me!

I had been fined under two sections:

  • Defective Number Plate - Sec 177 - Rs.50 (my fault, hence i can live with it)
  • Disobedience to orders/abstraction/refusal to give information - Sec 179 - Rs.50   (What the hell!? when did i do that!?)

So what did i do upon seeing this? NOTHING. Why? Because its a waste of time.

So what sort of recklessness was that? I DON'T KNOW. Disobedience to orders? Me? I had practically handed out even my older insurance papers to these cops! Then why was i fined under that section?

What sort of disregardful behavior and brash violation was that? I will never know..! Worst part was i had even signed on the receipt unknowingly accepting a crime i never committed! Irony.

What i know is this...Just enacting a bill will not change anything. We are humans. Humans with emotions, thoughts and a very powerful gift of making our own decisions. Ultimately, a person who is inclined to cheat or take advantage of others, will stop at nothing.

Ink on paper doesn't sound very convincing when its actually an issue of changing the underlying moral values of us humans.

Given a chance to cheat, we will cheat.
Given a chance to fight, we will fight.
Given a chance to rob, we will rob.

After all, we humans place ourselves above anything else. These are the precious words coming out of the newly branded "Criminal"

So do i feel lucky punk? No.

Until next time, safe riding (and please do change your number plates, if its one of those 007 or BOSS type plates)

P.S - Subscribe to comments via email to follow up!


Murali Satagopan said...

Ha ha! It's okay man. But I didn't know they got electronic machines now. Does that mean there's gonna be no bribing?

Jayanth said...

No da! its for those unfortunate ppl who have all documents! ofc palm greasing always rules!

preethi nedumaran said...

! well written!! but i beg to differ!!!! every one will change!! jus that the truth has to hit a person at the rite time!!!!!! If the fine was 500 buks ! u would have gone straight to where ever u need to get ur number plate changed and done that!!!!!!!!

Jayanth said...

:) that is not the point. Point is that i have been accused of doing something i did not do! Which was not right! i can abide the law, no problem in that!

yasha said...

Oh feel sorry for you Jayanth but couldn't stop laughing.Very well written!:)

Jayanth said...

LOL! thanks! commenting after a long time! welcome back!

Manoj said...

Lol.. you can actually try making a shrtflm out of wat u have writtn jayanth !! :) nice one

Jayanth said...

Please take one and show me da :) sounds good!

Gaurav said...

the confidence with which we go everywhere wid our bike papers.. and still they chargd u under "refusal to share info and disobeying the law" wats next?? section 420?!?!? its hopeless!! electronic meachines is jus another way to do illegal tings legally..

malavika kannuswamy said...

gr8 writing Jubydoo...but i feel pree is sure you wouldn't have still intended changing ur number plate !

Jayanth said...

@Gaurav - yea da :(
@Malu - maybe maybe not! (i agreed it was my fault le! ) btw blog padika laam time iruka? pah scene!!

Purba said...

Laughed the loudest @ Chennai traffic will scare the pyjamas off of even namma Superstar Rajnikanth.

And just 60 bucks in your wallet? Boy you are brave :)

Jayanth said...

hehe yea...just one of those days you know!! :)

Suchita D. Prasad said...

luvdf reading thu this man... n i cant bliv they filed u under refusal to giv info!! tats damn funny!!!! but secondly i don think ur no. is even tat fancy compared to many of the crappy ones i see.. as u said boss n 007... tats jus pure ridiculous!!!

Jayanth said...

not to mention the batman type number plates!! :0