I am a Criminal !

[Jayanth's room..Dirty Harry playing in the background...]

Harry Callahan: "....this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?..."

[Jayanth realises that your staring at his blog, quickly pauses the movie..]

Jayanth: "...click..click click! ...Mute."

.................................................

Hey there!! That was one of the greatest Clint Eastwood quotes of all time..! So do i feel lucky today? Absolutely not..and why? you will soon know!

Almost 21 months into my job...and i've developed a really bad habit..staying awake till my  granma's ghost scares me to sleep and sleeping till my dreams become a reality..Vicious circle you see...Sleep late, wake up late and you end up doing everything late the whole day..take my work for example..today although i was prepped to leave early i still reached  the work place at 11 AM.

It was one of those days where one wonders "which side of the bed did i awake from?!"

As all of you would be aware, namma Chennai traffic will scare the pyjamas off of even namma Superstar Rajnikanth! He can do anything in this world, except avoiding/weaving through our traffic. And it always so happens that i had to get caught in the busiest of days - Today.

Thankfully, my faithful beast - Yamaha R15 - never lets me down. I hang my bag  on the two rearview mirrors so that it straddles my petrol tank (to avoid sweating you see), wear my helmet and the journey from my place (Saligramam) to my workplace (MRC Nagar) is a loong journey. I get to play road rash with my other late going office buddies, give evil stares to aunties standing in the middle of the road, try to act brave in front of the bus drivers, avert near certain death a couple of times and ofcourse, bask in the glorious Sunshine. Gives an awesome suntan you know. Try it out!

In the middle of all this, just 3 KM away from work, i get pulled over by namma traffic police. The usual scene - Sergeant with his humongous left thigh on his even bigger bike, seriously fiddling with something god knows what. The constables trying to catch every miserable sod on a two wheeler - ones not wearing helmets, overspeeding, riding with two pillion riders, and ofcourse the ones who obey traffic rules most of the time.

Maybe it was my bushy goatee or i dont know what exactly. The constable caught me reaching the signal and instantly jumped in the middle of the road and said -

"..Orama Va Pa Thambi!"

And so, confidently with the knowledge of and pride that i always carry my bike papers, i quickly slapped my license onto the waiting constable's outstretched palm alongwith my insurance papers. And he looked at me, pointed his finger to my bike's ass and said -

"Number plate fancy a poda kudathunu theriyadha pa??" (don't you know that wearing a fancy number plate is wrong?)

My mindvoice told me "F**K, i'm done for". Whatever precautions one may take, the smallest of details go unnoticed. I learnt that. Although i have immense respect for our Traffic Police and the responsibilities they undertake, i couldn't help but laugh at what was happening. Knowing that i was at fault, i voluntarily asked what the fine would be.

The Sergeant, with a smile said - "100 rupees kudunga sir, receipt bill tharen" Under the scorching heat, my already fried brain told me that i had forgotten to draw cash from the ATM. Sheepishly i told the officer that i had only 60 rupees in hand. And smack came the answer! "ATM pakathule iruku, poi draw pannitu vaanga sir!"

How lucky could i get? The nearest ATM was 2 KM away..and so i walked, jogged, drew cash and came back like a wet donkey. I signed the electronic receipt-churning machine and lo came the offence sheet. And what i saw shocked me!

I had been fined under two sections:

• Defective Number Plate - Sec 177 - Rs.50 (my fault, hence i can live with it)
• Disobedience to orders/abstraction/refusal to give information - Sec 179 - Rs.50   (What the hell!? when did i do that!?)

So what did i do upon seeing this? NOTHING. Why? Because its a waste of time.

So what sort of recklessness was that? I DON'T KNOW. Disobedience to orders? Me? I had practically handed out even my older insurance papers to these cops! Then why was i fined under that section?

What sort of disregardful behavior and brash violation was that? I will never know..! Worst part was i had even signed on the receipt unknowingly accepting a crime i never committed! Irony.

What i know is this...Just enacting a bill will not change anything. We are humans. Humans with emotions, thoughts and a very powerful gift of making our own decisions. Ultimately, a person who is inclined to cheat or take advantage of others, will stop at nothing.

Ink on paper doesn't sound very convincing when its actually an issue of changing the underlying moral values of us humans.

Given a chance to cheat, we will cheat.
Given a chance to fight, we will fight.
Given a chance to rob, we will rob.

After all, we humans place ourselves above anything else. These are the precious words coming out of the newly branded "Criminal"

So do i feel lucky punk? No.

Until next time, safe riding (and please do change your number plates, if its one of those 007 or BOSS type plates)

P.S - Subscribe to comments via email to follow up!

Ninja Fruitassin - Reloaded

PROLOGUE:

The Year is 2028 A.D. I am a Ninja of the Otaku Clan.

Man, known to be the most powerful and evolved organism in the world has achieved many great things. He has walked on Jupiter, visited the Andromeda galaxy, discovered time travel, achieved 100% cognitive capacity and has also gone beyond the 4th dimension.

He is now constantly facing a threat that was unforeseen and unpredicted. (Even by the Mayans)

Invasion. Fruit Invasion.

We know not where they come from. But we do know who created them - The Diabolical Halfbrick Studios from the Queensland Solar System.

THE FRUIT INVASION:

It all began on April 21, 2010 A.D. The people of the world woke up to the squishes and splashes of fruits from the sky. Rocketing towards the Earth at the speed of light, Apples, Pineapples, Bananas, Peaches and humongous Water Melons came hurtling down upon the unsuspecting people of the Earth. As soon as the sweet juices of the fruits touched the skin of the humans, they transformed into fruits themselves! Millions of humans turned into fruits within hours...and then it stopped. It was foretold that such an event was to happen again in the not so distant future.

Man has got back on his feet and just when things seemed to be in control again, we were told of the larger doom awaiting us..in 2028. Right after the first attack we have constantly tried to find multiple ways to fend off another fruit invasion. We ninjas hate fruit.

THE DISCOVERY:

In 2022, One of our most covert Ninja (Sensei) discovered that slicing the fruits nullified and destroyed its evil effects. And thus began the quest to master the art of fruit killing. What happened next was something unbelievable, something miraculous.

We chanced upon a 2011 version of the IntelAppUp Center and alongwith it, an awesome simulation and training module - the Ultimate Secret to stop the Fruit Invasion.

Fruit Ninja HD Lite (Built by Halfbrick Studios themselves)

FRUIT NINJA HD LITE SPECS:

A thorough examination of the IntelAppUp Center revealed this:

• A downloadable App Market bigger and better than any other.
• Developers can submit apps or app components to the AppUp Center.
• People can view and explore various app categories suited to their training module.
  

The Ninjas who had used the Fruit Ninja HD Lite module had this to say:

• Exact Simulation of the Fruit Invasion.
• Accurate reproduction of the Ninja Martial Arts and Samurai.
• Multiple levels that increases the difficulty, thus sharpening the skills of the Ninjas.
• Power Ups and Combo Attacks!
• Plethora of Weapons to choose from
• The ultimate satisfaction of spraying fruit juice all over the place!
• Most of all, it is Xbox Kinect enabled, which means we can simulate the exact slicing technique!

After hearing so many rave reviews of the module, i had to try it to believe it! I quickly setup my Intel Core i100 PC (Ninja Edition) and downloaded the app directly from the IntelAppUp Center. After quickly entering the main screen, i realise that i have to choose my weapon and what better than the original samurai blade?

After starting the simulation module, i am stunned to see the exact fruits that invaded our Earth hurled up on the screen. Anger. Rage. I slice my blade (air mouse) through the barrage of fruits.

Shathak!! There went the apple ..sliced in half! Thawk went the watermelon, its inside spewing juice..it was a ugly sight. But as i licked my lips in satisfaction, i could not contain my hate for these fruits.

RAMPAGE!

With each simulation being more difficult than the other, i had to make use of Combo Attacks (slice 4/5 fruits at once) to train better. With the fruit death count increasing, i was on a rampage. I could not be stopped. I needed more fruits to cut, more weapons and more ambient backgrounds to simulate the real thing.

Having started of with the normal blade, i had now advanced to the flame blade; each cut burning through the squishy fruits, sealing their doom.

This app really did the trick - In one way it was jam packed with training features, any normal ninja could casually train with the module and most importantly, it gave us the edge to ward off the upcoming attack.

BECOMING A NINJA FRUITASSIN: (Rocky Style)

Several weeks passed, every ninja of the Otaku Clan trained with the simulation app and attained higher levels of ninja-ness. But i had gone beyond all of them - i had become a Ninja Fruitassin...

I did this by constantly cross training between the Zen Mode and the Arcade Mode.

The Zen Mode tripled my combo attack efficiency, thus ensuring i missed no evil fruit from my sights.

The Arcade Mode bestowed awesome power ups, gave the daftness to avoid the bombs and the ability to do a blitzkrieg in case i faced hundreds of fruits at the same time. All within a span of 60 seconds. It was a skill beyond comparison.

And so, as our clan prepare to make a last stand against the fruits - we only have this to say

"If its fruit, slice it.

If its your doom, embrace it."

That is the Way of the Ninja.

The Fruit Ninja HD Lite app has given us hope. given us courage. Most of all, it has given us the fruit ninja-ness that we possess today. We recommend it to you, you who is part of some clan in the world.

Save the World. Get the Fruit Ninja HD Lite app. Become the One. Become a Ninja Fruitassin.

As for me..a vicious pineapple is hurtling towards me..!! Wataaaaaaaeeeeeeee...Shathak!!! (Juice spraying)

THE END

P.S - The above post was intended to describe the App with a Creative Twist.



This blog is an entry to the "My Favorite PC App" contest. Check out numerous apps for PC/Netbooks available at the Intel AppUp Center. If you are looking for an opportunity to build and monetize your applications, check out the Intel® Atom™ Developer Program.

Vigneshwaraya Namaha!

Its a brilliant day!!! Blue skies, birds (crows) chirping and most of all, namma chennai makkal rushing to get their hands on the clay figures of Lord Ganesha!

Happy Vinayagar Chaturthi people!

Every year at home, i wake up to the smell of the yummy food being prepared and to the hustle and bustle on the streets! Young girls carrying miniature clay ganeshas, hawkers selling flowers, garlands, thoranams, colorful umbrellas (for the clay ganeshas) and other things that would sell on this day! Although i really do not understand the pooja part and the accompanying mantras, all i ever cared about was the kozhukattai! The soft gooey home made sweet that just has no diminishing marginal utility! Saaptukute irukalam!

And so, on this auspicious day, i pray that all of you have a prosperous life ahead filled with the goodness of Kozhukattais!! Lets hope that this world be rid of the evil and sorrow it is now infected with!

Happy Kozhukatai gorging u pigs!! :)

Anyway, me going back to the legendary movie of 2010 (on Sun TV): Sura (Nee adicha adi vizhum, Naan adicha ...IDI VIZHUM!)

Arrivederci!!

My Tryst with Mario!

Here i am..Rock you like a Hurricane..Here i am..Rock you like a..oh hi there!! I was just listening to one of the all time great rock anthems! ..You know the 80's is one of the greatest decades that mankind has seen and experienced! (including my birth in 1989!) It was the decade that ushered in a series of global events,iconic figures in music, politics, film and sport, and most of all - Technology. It was the age of computers, television, VHS, boomboxes and more relevantly - Video Gaming baby!! 

Video Gaming took the world by storm and Japan seemed to be the one of the best in Video Game development! Nintendo, Capcom and Namco especially were churning out games that would be played over the next two decades ! Well of course in India, we had the misfortune of being exposed to these gadgets only almost 15 years after its release! I will never forget the day when i feasted my eyes on the legendary Fourth Generation Nintendo Gaming Console (16 bit version). It was a thing of beauty, but alas, i had to settle for a cheaper copy of the console after weeks of pleading my parents! (this was back in 1999-2000)

And ofcourse ROM cartridges were needed to play and being a first time gamer i was pretty confused about which games to buy as i had no clue about the popular games at that time! In Pondy Bazaar, T.Nagar, is every kid's gaming heaven - Maya's Plaza. At that time, games were sold not individually but as a package with a lot of other games in the same ROM cartridge. 64 in One, 3 in One, 256 in One ; these were some of the ROM cartridges available at that time! So i chose the 64 in One (paid around Rs.400) , checked to see if it worked or not at the shop, and i returned home as fast as i could for the official console unpacking ceremony.

After unpacking and figuring out the connections in my old BPL TV, i finally switched on the power, inserted the ROM Cartridge and i just stood there. What i saw on the screen is etched in my memory even today. The plethora of 8 bit characters on the main screen coupled with the mono electronic music was an absolute delight! The feel of the controller was so amazing that i pressed the arrow buttons a hundred times before settling down! 

Good Ol' days of the Cartridges

And then it happened. I discovered the greatest game of all time, Game no.2 on the screen; the game that would forever make me want for more! the game that every gamer should and must have played -

The Super Mario Bros.  !!!!

On entering the game, i was welcomed by the screen shown above and what came next was the best part.

The Central Characters in the game are Mario & Luigi, Italian American plumbers living in the Mushroom Kingdom, the fearsome and evil Bowser - Mario's archnemesis and ofcourse the beautiful Princess Peach. The plot of the game is quite simple - Evil Bowser wants to takeover the Mushroom Kingdom and kidnaps Princess Peach. Mario & Luigi take it on themselves to save Princess Peach and Mushroom Kingdom. For this, they have to pass through eight worlds of the Mushroom Kingdom and defeat King Bowser at the eighth level!

Pretty exciting right?? :)

As days passed by, i was drawn more and more into the world of Mario, fascinated by the awesome gameplay, by its atmospheric detailing, the legendary theme music ringing in my ears even when i slept! Millions of people over the world can never forget the transformation of Mario in Super Mario whenever he eats the "Super Mushroom", the " "Flower" that gives Mario the power to shoot fireballs or the many times when that "One up Mushroom" was needed when Mario's life was short!! Level One of Super Mario Bros. can be played over and over again especially with that music going in the background! (Play Below!!)

It used to be so much fun whenever i stomped on the turtles and made them turn over their shells and when i collected as many coins as i could in the bonus levels when Mario went down the green pipe! And oh! the tension when the timer ticks down to the last few seconds and you know you have to make Mario run faster to the finish point in each level! Was that fun or wat!?! I still remember the many times iv tried to reach the top of the flag pole at the end of each level by making Mario run as fast as possible and and jump over the last set of steps so that i could get the maximum points! .. and who could not want to break the thousands of bricks in the Mushroom Kingdom and particularly Mario doing a Superman Stance every time he jumps!

Up Up and Away!

Mushroom Time!

You so want to buy that old 8 bit video game console don't you? :) Back when i was in 9th grade, i remember playing in the Two Player Mode with my baby sister and every time i lost a life in the game, i would take a life from her (She played Luigi btw) ! And the fight after that was even more hilarious!.. (evil aren't i?)

In one way, Mario and his world changed me. It showed me a whole new universe that i did not know existed ever before..If i were to calculate the total hours of my life that i spent playing Mario, it would roughly work out to over 1300 hours!!!  There are others who have clocked more than that :) You may think we are crazy, but we are not! Our sole aim was to save Princess Peach from the clutches of King Bowser! Period.

But as the old saying goes, all good things had to come to an end..my video console bombed 2 years later and i have never played Mario since then...

The truth is..Mario Bros. was not just a game. It was an essential part of my life, of everybody's lives. Mario made everyone happy and was the hero anybody wanted to be.!

There will definitely come a time, when i would tell my children and their children that once upon a time, there used to be a game called Mario. And how he changed my life forever. This was my tryst with the great Mario and soon it would be theirs.

Until next time...Cheerio!

P.S - Do let me know if you still have the old video game console with the Super Mario Bros. game :)

A New Beginning

Hello all of you! It is so good to be back! We are halfway through 2011 and i can't believe this is my first post for the year! So it makes it all the more special for me! So..what has changed in the last 8 months you ask? Well..iv gone from 67kg to 83kg, my old clothes don't fit me anymore, i bombed in a crucial test, became a complete workaholic, did not watch a single movie from Jan to June (in the theater that is !, which is quite odd for me), brooded day in and day out wondering why i ignored my blog so much when i went of to a flying start, and some other things which you wouldn't want to know ! But well here i am, rambling as usual, typing for the sake of typing.

But the point is! Why did i choose to suddenly decide to break the jinx and make the first post of the year? Well it happened last night, when i was thinking of the good times i had during school and college and how boring i have become these days! It couldn't have happened at a better time, right when a lot of my close friends have come down from the other parts of the world for a brief stay to take in the sambar-ness that is Chennai!! 

The last 3 weeks have been some of the best days of my life, catching up with old friends, reliving all those memories, cracking jokes about the nerd in school or about the dork in college ! My my..we have come a long way haven't we? It was at that same thought i realized how i am incomplete without the people i've grown up with! The people with whom you spent years studying, playing, dancing, fighting and a lot of other crazy things! They make me complete! A temporary void was suddenly filled like a Patronus Charm, full of happiness and joy! There is not a feeling that can come close to that, other than love, and it was that feeling that made me take of the sheets from over this blog and talk about the people that matter.

Im sure that each and everyone of you can relate to this, why even my own DAV-ites and VM-ites will second me on this! Who wouldn't want to get back to Sripad Hall and do one last hurrah for Entrenous! or who wouldn't want to get back to the playground and kick and smash the football or volleyball? or what about the nightlong dance practice sessions at a friends place, where everything else other than dance took place? or who wouldn't want to get back to those old classrooms and sit in their respective seats?

You tell me, who wouldn't?

I would. Anything to hit the reset button and go back in time. It is this feeling that incepted a new understanding of life in me...a new beginning.

Outbound!

Ok I just cannot contain my excitement! After weeks of planning and after so many hours of waiting this day is finally here! Yep it's my first trip abroad and I'm acting like a 10 year old already! Just sitting here at the airport waiting for our flint to depart is quite an excitement by itself..oh and by the way..our destination is singapore ..then spend the new year at malaysia..and then shop till we drop bangkok..

My fingers are already itching to blog every single moment of this trip..and so I have decided to make a travelogue if time permits!! With me on this journey are two people straight out of a comic book! Lol! Comic character no.1 is Mr.Srikanth Ramesh..he has to be the looniest fellow i have ever met!..he is a super steroid charged hyper nut with a touch of innocence and a hint of humor. Comic character no.2 is Mr.G Kaushik..he is what we Tamilians call as Ooma Kusumban! But one thing is sure..this is going to be one hell of a ride!

Well...the lady just announced our flight number in the three languages..tomorrow we hope to have an authentic singaporean breakfast with kaya toast, runes eggs and pandan! Mouth drooling already! Until then adios!!

Blogging After A Hiatus

http://bit.ly/eG1S0J

God!! Its good to be back!! Been a while since i crunched away at the keypad to update my blog..after a matter of 3 weeks..here i am! typing some nonsense..its a cool cloudy Sunday..the perfect day to just chill...nothing like it i say! 

As i type these incorrigible words, with the chilly breeze hitting my face from outside the window..i just discovered a truth..BLOGGING ROCKS. These 3 to 4 weeks of not updating my blog has left with me with some sort of growing burden and a sense of dissatisfaction..now its all gone..iv finally broken away..iv broken my shackles..feels nice..feels light..


And if your reading this...its good to have you back!! I'v got my spark again..the cogs in my brain have started to move(finally)...as Jim Carrey would say it. "Its Gooood"

I'm a happy man now...back to something i love a lot! Until my next post...arrivederci !!